December Horoscope Day 8 Through The 14th.

😊🤪🌙🕯😈💀✨️

Wicked ones.

Let’s drag each zodiac sign kicking and screaming into a Dark Witchery Christmas, where the garland is cursed, the cocoa is spiked with shadow majick, and Krampus is HR.

Here’s your December 8–14 Dark Witchery Xmas Horoscope, sarcastic, wicked, and seasonal in the “holiday cheer but make it unholy” way.

♈ ARIES — Santa’s Fer fer Torch-Bearer

You enter the week ready to fight a reindeer.

The holiday energy turns you feral, and honestly? The spirits love it.

Expect sudden urges to rearrange your entire house at 3 a.m.

Try not to duel your Christmas tree. It will win.

♉ TAURUS — Cozy Witch of the Yuletide Lair

You want blankets, pastries, and absolutely no drama.

Too bad someone invites you to a festive gathering.

Go anyway. You’ll judge everyone silently and leave early with the best cookies.

Krampus is proud.

♊ GEMINI — Chaotic Holiday Messenger

Your mouth runs faster than Santa’s sleigh.

You spill tea, you drop truths, you unwrap secrets that weren’t meant to be opened until the 25th.

This week: try not to cause a “family incident.”

Failing is fine. Gift yourself mischief.

♋ CANCER — Emotional Winter Ghost

Your nostalgia is so strong it could summon three Dickens spirits and a partridge in a dead tree.

This week, you try to make sentimental moments… and others try to escape them.

It’s okay. Feed them cookies until they submit.

♌ LEO — The Christmas Showstopper

You don’t enter a room, you sleigh into it.

Your holiday décor blinds neighbors.

Your energy is so big the ornaments tremble.

Someone tries to outshine you.

They fail.

The end.

♍ VIRGO — Festive Perfectionist on the Edge

You attempt to wrap gifts perfectly, and suddenly it becomes a dark ritual requiring geometry, precision, and your last bit of sanity.

Stop before you alphabetize the tinsel.

No one notices the mistakes anyway.

Actually — they do — but don’t let that ruin your week.

♎ LIBRA — Holiday Diplomat of Dysfunction

You’re stuck balancing family chaos like a witch on a slippery rooftop.

Everyone wants you to decide things: dinner, gifts, whose feelings matter.

Run.

Flee.

Or make everyone pick from a cursed holiday hat.

Your call.

♏ SCORPIO — Krampus’ Favorite Problem

Your winter mood is blacker than Santa’s chimney soot.

People try to “cheer you up,” which only annoys you more.

Use this week to finish secret plans, hex wrapping paper, and avoid carolers.

Your power is peaking.

♐ SAGITTARIUS — Ferrel Elf With Boundary Issues

You want freedom, travel, chaos, and peppermint schnapps.

Someone tries to limit you.

Laugh.

Disappear.

Reappear at a completely different holiday party.

Gift no explanations.

♑ CAPRICORN — The Darklord of Holiday Responsibility

You carry everyone’s to-do lists like a cursed Santa with back problems.

Delegating is your lesson.

Stop trying to run Christmas like a business meeting.

Light a candle.

Burn a spreadsheet.

♒ AQUARIUS — Eccentric Festive Sorcerer

Your ideas for holiday décor concern everyone.

You say “edgy,” they say “why does the wreath have teeth?”

This week brings a flash of brilliance.

Take notes.

Patent nothing.

Let the weirdness roam free.

♓ PISCES — Whimsical Winter Oracle

You drift through the week like a snowflake that’s seen too much.

Your dreams are prophetic.

Your emotions leak out like holiday glitter — everywhere, impossible to clean.

Channel your feelings into something creative.

Avoid mistletoe traps.

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