Thanksgiving Horoscope for Dark Witches

Thanksgiving Horoscopes for Dark Witches

Aries

You’ll walk into Thanksgiving like it’s a trial you did NOT volunteer for. The turkey will dry out, the mashed potatoes will be lukewarm, and someone will ask you how you’ve been, like you haven’t been standing there silently radiating menace for months. You’ll play along, but everyone will know you could flip the table and disappear into the ether without hesitation. The holiday will survive only because you allow it.

Taurus

You will pretend to care about the meal, the gathering, the traditions, and the cranberry sauce, but really you came here to ensure no one disrespects the gravy flow. You'll stare into pie filling like it personally owes you money, patience, and gluten-free respect. Someone will tell you to relax. You will not. Shadows don’t slouch, hunny, and your spellwork will be flawless even if the potatoes aren’t.

Gemini

You’ll talk to everyone and no one at the same time, which is technically your superpower. Half of you wants drama, the other half wants nap-time, and both halves demand algebraic justification for the chaos unfolding at the table. You will accidentally hypnotize someone with arguments, stories, or opinions that arrived faster than the turkey timer could track. This is not your fault, but it will be impressive.

Cancer

Beneath your calm is a storm you don’t disclose for free. You will detect emotions in the stuffing, intentions in the casserole, and betrayal in the way someone says, "Oh, wowie!" You want to mother-hen everyone, but prefer to sneer like this holiday was a minor inconvenience forced upon your nervous system. You don’t deploy protection spells that include circles, of course, but you will guard the leftovers like someone might steal them. They might. You’re prepared.

Leo

You are the spectacle dimly lit under your larger-than-holiday aura. The turkey is center stage, but you are center universe. When someone compliments you, you’ll nod like a regal insomniac gargoyle. When someone contradicts you, you’ll stare like judgment is a dessert you serve with silence. No cosmic refunds. Just dominance. Continue.

Virgo

You’re proofreading the entire holiday in your head like it’s a spell petition written in soup stock. When someone mispronounces something, misspells something, or suggests optimism, your internal narrator will screech like you’re fact-checking geometry itself. You will absolutely be blamed for being correct. You will absolutely enjoy it, but will deny it publicly out of tradition. Shadows don’t unionize gratitude.

Libra

They think you seek balance. You don’t. You seek aesthetic harmonized darkness that feels intentional without circles. You will smile if absolutely necessary, but only because someone might hand you wine accidentally and that would corrupt your timing. You don’t find harmony, you assert it like a dark witch performing choreography older than the cookbook. Elevation still matters more than feelings here.

Scorpio

When carving the bird, you’ll whisper without wands or circles because ceremonial flair is beneath you. The only real ritual happening is the one where everyone wonders if you’re joking or plotting. You’ll walk in shadows that assist without influence and maintain a flow that tastes like whispered power over the week’s structure. The turkey will fear you more than you fear judgment — and that will be mutual.

Sagittarius

You’ll tell stories about realms, portals, entities, or death vibes that could make a ghost reconsider its career path. You’ll absolutely do it sober, which is funnier than if you weren’t. When someone asks if you’re okay, you’ll deadpan, “I don’t know, ask the turkey.” They will panic. You will not. Continue anyway.

Capricorn

You came prepared with spells older than the casserole, red first, black over it, elevation priority. Someone will tell you that you’re too intense for gratitude. You’ll nod like a dark queen reviewing soul-binding paperwork without circles. The ritual candle placement is correct, the holiday décor is wrong, and joy is not your aesthetic.

Aquarius

Emotionally unplugged like a phone charger everyone needed. Strange, misunderstood, full of internal calculations for the table’s deterioration potential. You’ll stay anyway to witness the vibe, because dramatic nothingness is technically research. Shadows don’t apocalypse softly.

Pisces

You’ll move quietly through dinner like intuition speaking in foreign realms, instinct returning without summons, shadow assisting without influence, chaos flowing without apology. You are the still current beneath the pie crust. Not lukewarm. Not dry. Just quiet, sharp knowing that arrives without theatrics.

If any of this actually sounded like it was written in your internal voice, congratulations — you are fluent in shadow.

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Always in the shadows

Darklady ✨️

Darkwitchery.com