I Just Needed Basil… Not a Full Existential Crisis at the Grocery Store

Why every witch should mentally prepare before entering a public place.

By darkwitchery.com

All I needed was basil.

Simple, right?

Wrong.

I walked into that fluorescent-lit hellscape with good intentions and left questioning the entire fate of humanity. Why is the basil next to ten thousand types of kale? Why is that man breathing so loud? Why does this baby keep staring at me like it knows I hexed someone this morning?

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Witchcraft and Grocery Stores: A Cursed Combo

There’s something deeply unnatural about trying to buy spell herbs while surrounded by screaming toddlers, gloveless melon pokers, and someone on speakerphone yelling about potato salad.

I don’t want to hear about Aunt Linda’s gallbladder while I’m choosing my cleansing greens, Karen.

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Signs You’re a Witch in a Public Place Too Long:

You start muttering to yourself in the produce section.

You seriously consider leaving an offering to the rotisserie chickens.

You make prolonged eye contact with the spice rack, hoping it’ll open a portal and suck you out of there.

You hiss when someone brushes your arm with their cart.

I went in for basil. I came out emotionally sunburned and spiritually wrinkled.

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Should I Just Grow My Own Herbs?

Yes.

But will I?

Probably not.

I have six dead succulents and a haunted aloe plant.

They’re all judging me.

But every time I go back to the store, I swear it’s the last time.

Until I run out of cinnamon again like a damn fool.

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Witch Tip: Always Go In Armored

If you must go out:

Carry black salt in your pocket.

Wear your most intimidating "don’t speak to me" face.

Headphones. Even if they’re off — it’s the modern invisibility cloak.

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Conclusion:

Grocery stores test us, witches.

They test our patience, our energy, and our ability not to hex the guy who took the last bunch of fresh basil.

Stay strong. Stay shadowy.

And next time, order delivery.

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Darkwitchery.com