I Didn’t Hex You, You’re Just deeply annoying!

I Didn’t Hex You—You’re Just Exhausting

A Public Service Announcement from the Desk of a Very Tired Dark Witch

Let me say this one time, slowly, with a lit black candle in one hand and a half-burnt bundle of regret in the other:

I.

Did.

Not.

Hex.

You.

You’re just deeply annoying and the shadows finally noticed.

People love to think every stubbed toe, lost job, or ex returning from the abyss is the result of a curse.

But here’s the truth: sometimes you’re just reaping the natural consequences of being a walking red flag wrapped in spiritual delusion.

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Signs You’re Not Cursed (You’re Just a Mess):

You “accidentally” insulted three witches last week and now your cat won’t look at you.

You’ve never saged anything in your life, but you’re sure Mercury retrograde made you text your ex.

You haven’t hydrated since the last full moon but blame your headaches on "energy shifts."

Darling, no witch did this to you.

You did.

With caffeine, bad decisions, and that love spell you got from Pinterest.

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Why We’re Too Busy to Curse You

Do you know how much effort goes into a proper curse?

Ink that bites

Herbs that smell like spiritual armpits

Moon timing

Blood/Spit

And a whole vibe check with the spirits

I’m not wasting that on you because your aura felt “off” at brunch.

We’re not that petty.

Well… we are, but we’re efficient about it.

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What You’re Probably Feeling Instead

Your own guilt (yes, it tingles—get used to it)

The consequences of ignoring all those signs (and we do mean the flashing red ones)

That spirit you drunkenly flirted with on Ouija Night back in 2021

Stop blaming witches for your chaos and start journaling.

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Final Note from the Grimoire of No One Asked:

If we had hexed you?

You’d know.

Your mirrors would whisper. Your soup would scream.

And every time you said “vibe,” your lights would flicker.

So maybe calm down, take a bath, and stop projecting your mess onto people who actually know what they’re doing.

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