I Accidentally Hexed My Wi-Fi

“I Accidentally Hexed My Wi-Fi (and Other Modern Witch Problems)”

By Dark Witchery | darkwitchery.com

So there I was, minding my own hex, lighting a black candle for a little full moon banishing, when suddenly—BOOM.

The Wi-Fi died.

Now listen. I’m not saying I hexed my router, but I am saying the incense smoke was getting real thick, the spirits were getting rowdy, and the last thing I googled was “how to bind a liar using cinnamon and duct tape.”

Coincidence?

Maybe.

Majickal interference from an overexcited house spirit named Kevin?

More likely.

See, witches these days have modern problems.

Our familiars knock over spell bottles and USB cables.

We’ve got a broom closet and a Google Drive full of curses.

And we’ve all said, “Let me cleanse this space,” while holding a stick of burning mugwort in one hand and a cracked iPhone in the other.

Let’s talk about the real struggles:

You cast a shadow spell and accidentally banish your AirPods.

Mercury’s in retrograde, and your familiar decides now’s the time to throw up in your cauldron.

You make a doll for prosperity, and three witches DM you asking if it comes with Afterpay.

You try to enchant your coffee for success and wind up in a four-hour Zoom meeting with someone named Chad who breathes through his mouth.

You manifest a strong, dark man—and it turns out to be your utility bill.

Witchcraft today?

It’s grimoires and glitchy software.

It’s charging sigils and accidentally clicking "Reply All."

It’s dark majick with a dash of "Where the hell did I put my charger?"

So the next time your spell fizzles, your candle burns sideways, or your black cat walks across your tarot spread like she pays rent, just remember:

You’re not cursed.

You’re just a 21st-century witch living in a Wi-Fi-dependent wasteland.

But hey—at least we look good doing it.

Stay hexing, stay laughing, and always check your router before blaming the spirits.

—Darklady

darkwitchery.com