How to Hex With Style.

How to Hex with Style: A Beginner’s Guide to Dark Majick Without Burning Your Kitchen Down

By Darklady, Queen of Cauldrons and Bad Decisions

So you wanna do dark majick?

Adorable.

But before you go lighting your mom’s vanilla candle and whispering “As above, so below” like you know what the hell you’re doing, let me walk you through the basics. Because shadow work isn’t just journaling with eyeliner on. This is real dark witchery, baby — and it bites back.

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Step 1: Choose Your Target (Wisely-ish)

Pick someone who deserves it.

Exes, landlords, racists, and anyone who calls your cauldron “just a Halloween decoration” — all fair game.

But if you’re just mad because they didn’t like your post? Take a breath. Drink water. Or wine. Or hex your own ego first.

Dark majick isn’t petty. It’s strategically malicious.

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Step 2: Gather Your Tools Like a Functional Chaos Goblin

You don’t need a $300 athame imported from a volcano.

You need:

A black candle (Walmart. I won’t judge.)

Some herbs (the dusty stuff in the spice rack will do)

A jar, a rusty nail, and something mildly unsettling (like your own handwriting)

Dark Vinegar. Always vinegar.

You’re not making artisanal jam. You’re making a problem for someone who deserves it.

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Step 3: The Incantation – aka, Say It Like You Mean It

No whispering like you're in a damn library. Channel your inner pissed-off deity and spit that spell out like venom.

Example:

“By the rot, by the thorns, by the shadow of what’s mine—

May your lies curdle, your luck turn sour, and your name tremble in the mouths of those who once praised you.”

Too much? No such thing.

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Step 4: Disposal – Because Even Trash Has Ritual

Don't just toss it in the bin next to your cereal box.

You buried a spell in rage and vinegar — treat it with dark dignity:

Bury it at a crossroads.

Or put it under your ex’s porch and never explain a thing.

(Just kidding. Sort of.)

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Final Thoughts from the Depths:

Dark majick isn’t about hate — it’s about power.

It’s about reclaiming what was stolen, silenced, or stepped on.

And sometimes, it’s about making sure the energy bites back.

So stir that shadow. Speak your will. And hex responsibly, darling.

Or don’t. But at least do it with flair.

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– Darklady

Witch. Wordsmith. Vinegar enthusiast.

Subscribe at darkwitchery.com or I’ll put your Wi-Fi in a jar.