How I Accidentally Opened A Portal And Still Got Dinner on The Table

How I Accidentally Opened a Portal and Still Got Dinner on the Table

by Dark Witchery

I was just trying to make dinner. That’s it. Nothing fancy—just pasta and maybe a little side hex if I had the energy. But apparently, the spirits had other plans. And none of those plans included letting me see what the hell I was doing.

It all started when I lit a candle with a touch too much mugwort and whispered a chant that may or may not have been part of an old summoning rite.

Look, the writing was smudged and I was multitasking.

Sue me.

Anyway, I’m elbows-deep in garlic and herbs when the kitchen light clicks off.

Total darkness. I blink. Then I say, “Nope,” and flip the switch back on. Boom—light returns.

Thirty seconds later: click.

Darkness again.

I mutter, “You have got to be kidding me,” and flip it back on.

I swear I heard laughter in the vents. And not the polite kind.

By the fifth time, I’m standing there with a wooden spoon in one hand and the light switch in the other, arguing with something invisible.

“Stop it.”

Click.

“Don’t test me, I’ve got a hot oven and no patience.”

Click.

“I swear I will salt this whole damn house if you keep playing games.”

Click.

Eventually I gave up, lit every candle I could find, and kept cooking like the chaotic witch I am—bathed in shadow, garlic smoke, and just enough glowing flame to look dramatic instead of furious.

The spirits? They were having a blast. I could hear faint whispering and occasional giggles every time I banged a pan or muttered a curse under my breath. At one point, a spoon flung itself off the counter and I just nodded.

“Yeah. Thought so.”

Still, dinner got made. Pasta was perfect, herbs were roasted, and the sauce didn’t curdle despite the general paranormal bullying.

Chris came home, saw the kitchen lit like a séance, and wisely didn’t ask questions.

Because in this house?We stir the sauce, we work with the shadows, and we win.

Even if we have to do it in the dark.

darkwitchery.com