Drunk, High, And Hexing?

“Drunk, High, and Hexing: A Field Guide to Spellcasting While Vibing”

By Darklady

darkwitchery.com

Let’s stop pretending witches don’t sip, smoke, or microdose before spellwork.

This isn’t a coven meeting at Hobby Lobby.

This is Dark Witchery, where sometimes the path to power includes a bottle of red and a gummy that tastes like questionable watermelon and enlightenment.

Yes—I use it.

Yes—it opens the veil.

And no—I don’t need your permission, Susan.

The Blessed Trifecta of Functional Chaos:

1. The Wine Witch (Bless Her Mess)

I pour a glass, speak to the ancestors, and if a little wine splashes into the spell jar? That’s not a mistake—that’s an offering.

Did I once accidentally sweeten the wrong name?

Yes.

Did he call me the next day and cry about his childhood?

Also yes.

Power is power.

2. The Stoner Sorceress (High Priestess of Chill)

That puff before the ritual? It slows the noise, opens the gate, and lets me see.

Yes, sometimes I forget why I lit the candle.

Yes, I’ve talked to my cauldron like it was my therapist.

But honey, the veil? Wide open.

And the spirits? Entertained.

3. The Shroomed Shadow Seeker (You Weren’t Ready Anyway)

You think you’ve done shadow work until you’ve sat in your altar room, high as hell, holding a crow feather and whispering, “I am the void.”

Were the walls breathing? Yes.

Did I meet a dead witch named Magda who handed me a mirror and said, “Look deeper”?

Also yes.

I wrote that spell. And it worked.

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Signs You’re Not Vibing—You’re Lost:

You tried to summon Hekate and ended up ordering 3 large fries and crying into a crystal.

You poured coffee into the cauldron because you “felt tired but powerful.”

You named your banana “Greg” and tried to baptize it again.

(Greg is not your spirit guide. We talked about this.)

You tried to banish your ex with a used napkin and a stale french fry.

You used ketchup as blood substitute and said, “Good enough.”

You opened a portal and then forgot where you put it.

You tried to cleanse your house with Febreze and screamed “By the powers of Pine Fresh, I compel thee!”

You tried to anoint a candle with mayonnaise.

You called upon Anubis and ended up Facetiming your ex.

You wrote your petition on a napkin and then ate it.

You thought your bath was a sacred portal—until the pizza guy arrived and you greeted him with, “Do you fear the unseen?”

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Let’s be clear:

I’m not saying you have to use weed, wine, or wild plants to cast.

But I’m not going to lie and act like I don’t.

Some nights I fly sharper with a little buzz and a big shadow.

And other nights? I save the buzz after the work is done—because that’s when the celebration begins.

So go ahead.

Light it. Sip it. See deeper.

Just don’t forget to write the damn name right.

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darkwitchery.com

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