Coffin Craft for the Cursed & Pissed

Dark Witchery
May 25, 2025
3 min read

A spell for when someone flings shit your way and you’re too dignified to light them on fire… for now.

Alright witches, gather ‘round. Somebody hexed you? Feeling that sticky spiritual gunk clinging to your aura like an unwanted ex? Well, we’re not crying under the full moon about it—we’re building a coffin and sending that curse to rot. No love. No light. Just the grim satisfaction of putting that hex right where it belongs: six feet under and forgotten.

Here’s how a proper dark witch handles it—coffin style.

Step 1: Build the Box of Banishment

You need a mini coffin. No, not your dead ex’s jewelry box—something you made or claimed with intent. Wood, clay, cardboard, doesn’t matter. Just paint the damn thing black like your soul and make sure it’s no longer than 6 inches. Small box. Big rage.

Inside? You’ll be placing the essence of what was thrown at you—not the person (yet), just the damage. We’re talking the nausea, the nightmares, the constant drain, the sense of “WTF is this feeling?” that wasn’t there before.

Bonus twist? Line the inside with broken mirror shards. Let the spell reflect back on itself while it rots.

Step 2: Add the Misery

Into the coffin, toss a little collection of your suffering, like an unholy bouquet:

Wormwood – for bitter reflection and mental ruin

Agrimony – to reveal hidden attack and reverse spiritual grime

Black mustard seed – to confuse the sender

Thistle – because you’re feeling spiky and done being soft

Graveyard dirt – from a plot that knew pain (optional, but deliciously effective)

And of course, a pinch of your own hair or a nail clipping, just to tie it to you long enough for the reversal to hit hard.

Seal it up. Tight. Whisper:

“All that was cast, all that was cursed—return to your master, ten times worse.”

Step 3: Let It Burn, Baby

Set that pretty little deathbox in a fire-safe dish. Circle it with small black candles—three, five, seven. Odd numbers, always. Symmetry is for balance, and we are not here to be balanced—we’re here to be terrifying.

Light the candles and surround the setup with crushed black salt and glass. Why? Because no energy escapes your circle of vengeance, that’s why.

Now watch it burn. Close your eyes. Picture their spell crumbling like their fake spiritual authority. Hear it sizzle? That’s the sound of your peace being restored.

Step 4: The Fold and the Farewell

Once those candles burn out and the ashes are cold, wrap the whole damned mess in a black or red cloth. Fold it away from you like you're flicking someone off with fabric.

Say nothing sentimental. Just:

“Out of sight. Out of my field. Out of my fucking way.”

Step 5: Dispose With Attitude

Now take the whole cursed bundle and dump it where curses go to die:

A crossroads (classic)

A cemetery (better)

A ditch outside your ex’s house (chef’s kiss)

Or toss it into fire and let it cremate into spiritual soot.

Walk away. Don’t look back. That part’s important. If you look back, you’re giving it energy again. We’re not desperate—we’re dominant.

And if you know who cast it?

Oh, the temptation, right? To slap their name on the box and send it FedEx straight to their chakras? Tempting—but that’s called starting psychic warfare, and unless you’re ready to go full warlock and chain-cast for weeks, maybe... just let the spell return itself.

Trust the process. You’re not weak for walking away—you’re just letting them walk face-first into their own spell at full speed.

Now go light a black candle, pour yourself a bitter herbal tea, and feel the shift. Your peace is back. Your power never left.

And if they try it again?

Well. There’s always a bigger coffin.